


In Defectu Lunae Silenti Nocte

by Dovahlock221



Series: Panic [6]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Caring Sherlock Holmes, Established Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Explicit Sexual Content, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, PTSD John, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 06:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dovahlock221/pseuds/Dovahlock221
Summary: “Sherlock.” The name came out choked and broken. So different from the way it had been whispered and shouted so many times within the last ten minutes.





	In Defectu Lunae Silenti Nocte

**Author's Note:**

> In Defectu Lunae Silenti Nocte: In the still of the night.

The first time it happens in front of Sherlock is when the man has three fingers in John’s arse and his cock in his mouth.

Everything had been perfect. Hands grasping fistfuls of white sheets, rolling his hips up into Sherlock’s wet mouth and down onto his fingers.

And now he can’t breathe.

One gasp that had caught in his throat had all of the sudden felt stuck. Trapped itself in his chest and the longer it stayed the more painful it had become. And then he had barely been able to breathe at all.

John had slid his hand into Sherlock’s dark hair tugging lightly and it had felt...wet and warm.

And a part of John's brain told him that it wasn’t his sweaty palm sliding into the damp hair of the man who was alive and real and beautiful. It was Sherlock on the pavement with blood in his hair. Not air that was filled with heat and sex, but air that smelled of blood and death and heartache.

“Sherlock.” The name came out choked and broken. So different from the way it had been whispered and shouted so many times within the last ten minutes.

John felt the second that Sherlock stiffened around his body. Mouth at a standstill on his cock and fingers frozen inside him. His eyes lifted to stare at him from under long lashes.

The moment their eyes connected Sherlock moved.

John barely felt the moment his body become empty. When wet, warm heat no longer surrounded him.

He felt empty and sick only for a second before gentle, but firm hands on his shoulders were sitting him up and turning him to stare into concerned eyes.

“I’m here. John, look at me. I’m here.”

Through the sharp heaving breaths trying to claw their way from his chest, John marveled at the fact that this man; this brilliant beautiful man knew exactly what was going on in his panicked irrational mind.

“John, breathe. Please.” Sherlock’s voice cut through the thick fog trying to fill his head with images of desperation and heartache. The loss of someone he loved more than anything on this earth. It hurt and he found himself choking on the agony.

His hands come up to cover his eyes, but instead, he cries out as he finds them covered in blood. 

_I could have done something. I could have done something._

“You don’t have to do anything, John. I’m here. I swear.” 

A pale hand gently grasps his wrist and he follows the movement with blurry eyes as Sherlock places it against his bare chest. “Do you feel that? John. Do you feel me?” 

The heart under his hand beats fast and strong. He stares at it and with one blink the blood disappears from the outline of his hand. He feels the  pain in his chest lift a fraction and finds enough air to whisper, “Sherlock.” 

“Look at me, John. Feel my heart beating. I’m real. I’m here and I’m yours.” John’s breath has quieted enough that he hears the break in Sherlock’s voice as he speaks.

He looks up, finding wet, anguished eyes staring back at him. “God, m’sorry,” he cries, falling forward into Sherlock, shaking his head against his neck.

Sherlock wraps one arm around his back and a hand rests gently against his cheek, thumb rubbing across his jaw. “It’s alright.”

Sherlock says the words with so much conviction that he finds he just might believe him.

He breathes slowly through his nose and out his mouth, trying desperately to match the rhythm of Sherlock’s breathing. He turns his head to press a soft kiss against the steady pulse under Sherlock’s jaw.

Sherlock sighs, tilting John’s head up and laying a gentle kiss against the corner of his mouth. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” John says, clearing his throat and placing a shaking hand on Sherlock’s cheek, smiling softly when he immediately leans into the touch. “Got lost there for a moment. I’m sorry.”

Sherlock stares at him with determined eyes. “I will never leave you, John.” 

He nods, swallowing the lingering emotion threatening to spill over as affection for this beautiful man in front of him causes a burn behind his eyes. “You’re here.”

“Always.” Sherlock grasps John’s hands in his, holding tight.

And then everything rushes over the surface and Sherlock is there to catch him as it crashes down on him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I would love to know what you thought!


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